A Tunnel to Suicide: A Call to Those Standing at the Threshold

Introduction

            The title is indicative of what I intend on discussing. I should predicate this with the thought that I am not claiming that this is the only reason nor the only fix for the issue. This discourse is rather based on my personal perception/ experience of a potential cause for suicide. This is really being written in the hope's that someone who is having these thoughts will read this and find a possible fix or at least an aid in their travails. Also, I should say to those who are close to me, this is not some call for help but rather me looking to help based on feelings that I have had. With these predicate statements out of the way let me begin.
(Picture Courtesy of https://descendam.wordpress.com/category/philosophie/depression-in-der-leistungsgesellschaft/)
The Tunnel

            Typically, when these events take place most people are surprised by them. In one respect this can be understandable since those who are facing trying situations tend to present a false bravado concerning the actual underpinnings of their life circumstances. However, on the other hand, it should not be surprising because many people are aware of these circumstances (those close to the person) in that person’s life. Now, there is a caveat to this idea and that is with teenagers. In one sense, teens are very apt at hiding things and in another sense, adults tend to trivialize the things teens go through. With all of this said, this is not a call for fault by any means but rather is a call to a perception shift.

            Now, this tunnel that I am referring too is the thing that each person in dire situations is focused on. To state it another way, they tend to have tunnel vision. For those who are not familiar or have not experienced this phenomenon, it is a tendency to look at your immediate or most aggressive circumstances and not pay attention to other important life issues/ goods that may be around you. To give an example, I am currently in a situation where I am being forced to resign from my military service. There are some medical things going on and I am no longer qualified to do my job. It would be very easy for me to look at this situation and become engulfed by it (and at some points I have). The reason for this is I have dedicated my entire adult life to serving my country and my brothers and sisters in arms. So, this is a rather robust loss in my life (professionally).

            Many people are wrapped up in their professional lives because it is important for them to be successful or to do good in a certain arena. But a fundamental mistake is to assume that all of your life is necessarily governed by your professional aspect. So, it would be easy for this to consume someone since it is considered a major part of that person’s life.

            For teenagers (or younger kids), there is a similar happening, but it is not centered around the professional aspect of their life because they have not begun this portion of their life. To them, their social life is the end all, be all in life (in most cases [acceptance]). So, for the teenager, the social aspect is synonymous with some adult’s perception of their professional life. Now, when these events take place (talking negative events) and it adversely affects that person’s major life aspect, they tend to become fixated on that single event. The problem with this is that that person has many more facets to their life than this one thing. But in the first-hand perceiver's mind, this is not the case. This singular event is a defining moment for them, and it can be overwhelming. Stated in a more eloquent way, this event is the only light they see, and all other aspects of their life become dark and not visible to them. Another fundamental mistake is to assume that we as person’s are simply defined by singular events or that our lives are only single events. But this is wrong-headed in the sense that there is a collection of events that are outside of this negative one that possesses value.

            What ends up happening is this singular event, even though it may persist, is given more value because of the immediacy and proximity to the person. By this I mean, that to the person since the aspect of life being affected does possess importance, its value is automatically elevated because it is under attack and is presently staring them in the face. So, as all of the other important facets of the person’s life slowly disappear into the background this one thing remains. No longer do they see value in being a son or daughter, a mother or father but rather their value is locked up in this professional or social calamity and it pervades their mind. Ultimately, without help, this tends to lead to ending the most valuable thing this world can have, their life. Each and every person has value, even if they lose the ability to see it, their value is locked up in those around them (even if they fail to see their value being valued in others). This does not mean their value does not exist but rather their perception of their value has faded in comparison to the event that is in front of them.

What Are They to Do?

            With all of the seeming darkness lingering about, the question seems to be, what are they to do with this? Intrinsic to this question, what are others to do? I think it may be good here to work from the outside in. Others should try and be as perceptive as possible when encountering their friends in certain situations. It should be said, there will be failings on the accounts of other people on an individual basis since other people encounter events that are going be trying and these events may coincide with the negative events of their friends. But not everyone will experience the bad at the same time. So, I think it is important to try our best to simply show our friends that they have value at all points in their lives. A simple phone call to talk or discuss what is going in their lives is good (no matter if it's good or bad). Asking questions and digging deeper. These are the things that will ultimately culminate into lighting up those dark parts that are seemingly not visible to the first-hand perceiver/ experiencer. I do not think much else can be asked of those outside of the actual event.

            What about the first-hand perceiver or experiencer of the negative event itself? All that was discussed in the first portion of this discourse will be important to keep in mind. If you find yourself amidst some negative event(s) then it is very important to not let the other valuable aspects of your life fade into the background or fade away into the darkness that this single event is causing. That tunnel vision is what will be the killer. Though this singular event may be the primary focus because it must be dealt with, it should not be the only focus. As this event tends to take the center stage it can almost seem as if you are floating off with no grounding since all other parts of your life are fading away. But remember, choosing to focus on the value you have with others and the value you have in Christ (John 3:16) will help keep you grounded, it will help this one event not become a pervading darkness that engulfs everything else around it.

            This, of course, is much easier said than done. I do not mean to trivialize the events that people experience by any means. This is rather a hopeful view that one can attempt to take when encountering these trying situations. It takes work and focus (ironically) to not become overly focused or consumed by the negative circumstances that pop up in life. It is especially difficult to find your personal value in these situations. However, it is not impossible to do so. A stronger personal experience may prove helpful here.

Years ago, I found myself in the situation of getting divorced. During this time, I felt an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and I did attempt to kill myself, unsuccessfully I might add. It was not the divorce itself that gave birth to these feelings because I was the one who initiated those proceedings but rather the outpouring of pain that came as a result. My ex-wife had made it a mission to ensure that it would be as difficult as possible to see my son and make it an extremely financially burdensome venture. I was losing my son and there was little I could do to stop it (and I was fighting hard). But what happened was I became so focused on the loss of my son I failed to see that, if successful, someone else would lose a son. My son, even if he never saw me again, would lose his father. There were a plethora of things that this tunnel vision caused me to not see and the result was an attempt on my life. The reason for my explicating this circumstance is to paint a picture of myself not condescending to anyone but rather to show that I fully understand the pains that can result in life and how this tunnel vision can adversely affect one’s ability to make sound decisions.

This is not a full explanation of the pains I have experienced in this life. Again, this singular event does not have to be all your life is about because we are a collection of events and decisions. When one event happens that takes precedence over your life it is hard to see all the other robust aspects of your life and this is a vital misstep. So, if an event like this takes place in your life, it must be a goal (or obligation if you want) to do your best to not let all of the other parts of your life fade away and become invisible.
Conclusion
My goal here was not to condescend or to make these negative events seem trivial. Rather my goal was to show that these things are not trivial but that they matter. The major difference is they are not the only focus of your life, you are not defined by this single thing. Events come and go but our decision may last forever. I deeply implore those in these circumstances to stand tall and firm in the fact that they have value, whether you see it or not. Do not allow your focus on this one event to cause all other things of importance to fade out of view but rather let the light of your value direct your focus elsewhere. God has placed in you his Imago Dei and that makes you valuable so do not cut your value short nor end what has yet to come into full bloom. The world is better with you than without you. 

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